It's a Saturday night, and as I sit listening to Five For Fighting's The Riddle, the lyrics truly touch me. Parenting isn't a vocation that was ever an option; I always wanted to be a mommy, knew I'd be a mommy, wanted to be a mommy. I married young, like many in my church. And when my first was born, then my second, time sped by so quickly that introspection was never high on my list of priorities. It was never hard to choose what came first: changing diapers, or quiet meditation.
I was in college at the same time my first two came along and working full-time as well; looking back, I don't know how I possibly managed it. But I did. Ten years after my first was born, my third was here, and two years later, my fourth and last.
Now that I have more time to just watch the kids grow up, to just work full time, to just take care of a house big enough to fit us all, I catch myself wondering what the heck I was thinking. Being responsible for four other souls who need positive guidance, lots of encouragement, support - was I ever up for the job? Taking care of patients is easy; taking care of kiddos, oh so very, VERY hard. Especially when each one is their own person, unique and challenging in their own way.
Meeting everyone's needs, from age 17 to 5, is a rollercoaster ride a day. This song, The Riddle, sums up why I do it. And it encourages ME during my dark times when I ponder the meaning of it all.
"There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said, 'You looking for a clue? I love you free."
Five For Fighting, The Riddle
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